The Pubic Wars: Enter the Mantrix

Men, let's face it. We're generally hairy folk. We get hair coming off our faces, our arms, our legs, out feet, our butts, our chests, our backs, our stomachs, our pits, our pubic area - pretty much anywhere where we have skin there's a good chance of us having hair there too.

Hair. It's part of us.

But what does society say about our hair? It tells us to keep our head hair short, to shave off our facial hair, and hide as much body hair as possible during our normal daily activities. Having long hair and a beard is no way to get a job, so says a good amount of our population. But this isn't just about long hair and beards. This is about the most important hair battleground ever: pubic hair.

Your short and curlies are the most important hair on your body. And when you shave them, you're doing irreparable harm to your masculinity.

As I already pointed out, we're generally pretty hairy. That's the natural state of our body, and removing or cutting our hair goes against our essential nature as men. You can't fight against nature - nature always wins out in the end, like nature retaking sites like Chernobyl.

The Pubic Wars: Enter the Mantrix

See that? The grass is like nature's pubes.

Now you may put arguments forth like those which some women do:

Says Womanbot4000

I choose to shave

And says SaintRidley

I don't like getting hair in my teeth and don't imagine my partner does either

or these women:

The Pubic Wars: Enter the Mantrix

Ah, silly women, those aren't good reasons at all. Those all come from Patriarchy, and only Patriarchy makes anyone ever want to shave, wax, or trim their pubic hair. It's the only cultural force there is which affects women.

But we're men, and the Patriarchy only helps us. We're facing a real, more pertinent threat: The Shaved Pubearchy.

Take a look at the depictions of men in the media today. Take a look at a Playgirl magazine - these guys have given in to the cultural mandate to remove their pubic hair (and often other body hair as well):

The Pubic Wars: Enter the Mantrix

Or look at porn. I mean, just tab over to whatever you have open already. You might have to look elsewhere if you're looking at girl-girl porn - remember, this is about your pubes.

How many guys do you find with pubes in porn? Not nearly as many as are shaved. Gay, straight, cis, or trans, men in porn by and large shave or trim their pubes. Even Buck Angel does:

The Pubic Wars: Enter the Mantrix

Here's where we come to the best and most unassailable argument against removing our pubic hair. By removing his pubic hair, Buck Angel feeds into the pedophilic desires of the men and women who are attracted to him - only pedophiles are attracted to bald pubic mounds., according to renowned evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup.

I mean, look at Buck. Dude looks like a little boy. If you think he's a rugged, well-toned, attractive guy, then you may be a pedophile. That lack of pubic hair proves it. Imagine if he shaved all his body hair - it'd be like being attracted to an infant. An infant carrying Stoya on his shoulders, but an infant nonetheless.

Men, fight back against the oppression of the Shaved Pubearchy. Growing our hair out, rather than giving in to the demand to conform to something we don't want to do, is the only way to regain power over our bodies. We have been denied bodily autonomy for too long. Imagine if we faced worse issues, like not being able to make medical decisions without Congress or the Supreme Court getting into our shafts.

Image Credit: Askmen

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Image Credit: FiveThirtyEight

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Image Credit: Buck Angel (NSFW)