The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

We're a couple of years from another presidential election, but it's always political season in the U.S. Midterm primaries are coming and so is summer, so let's get things heated up by counting down the 44 hottest male presidents this great nation has had to offer. Do we like their politics? Who cares, when we can judge their value based on their adherence to a media-driven social standards for attractiveness? We're not pundits, bro! Now, without further ado, let's count down The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History!

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

44. John Adams

Order: 2nd (1797-1801)
Party: Federalist
Pros: To be honest, there's not much. Dresses well?
Cons: Everything else.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

43. Millard Fillmore

Order: 13 (1850-1853)
Party: Whig
Pros: He's the schlub you meet up with for a quick bang when you're feeling down, because he's always available and he gives it his all.
Cons: Not a take-charge kind of guy; even his friends don't want him around.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

42. Chester A. Arthur

Order: 21st (1881-1885)
Party: Republican
Pros: No duty will be neglected.
Cons: No adventurous project. Also, those sideburns.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

41. Benjamin Harrison

Order: 23rd (1889-1893)
Party: Republican
Pros: Great rebound after you dump that lunkhead.
Cons: That lunkhead is just so damn appealing.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

40. John Quincy Adams

Order: 6th (1825-1829)
Party: Democratic-Republican
Pros: Will try the weird stuff - the first president to be photographed.
Cons: Vain - it was a selfie. Plus, the sideburns.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

39. Martin Van Buren

Order: 8th (1837-1841)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Eyes and experience.
Cons: More fucking sideburns - and what sideburns they are.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

38. Andrew Johnson

Order: 17th (1865-1869)
Party: National Union
Pros: Can step in when the last guy finishes with an early shot.
Cons: Embarrasses you in front of your friends and all the senators.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

37. Lyndon Johnson

Order: 36th (1963-1969)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Huge dick.
Cons: Huge dick.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

36. Zachary Taylor

Order: 12th (1849-1850)
Party: Whig
Pros: They didn't call him "Old Rough and Ready" for no reason.
Cons: Inexperienced and doesn't last very long.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

35. Abraham Lincoln

Order: 16th (1861-1865)
Party: Republican
Pros: Delivered the nation out of a costly and brutal civil war, ending slavery and preserving the Union.
Cons: Not good-looking.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

34. Richard Nixon

Order: 37th (1969-1974)
Party: Republican
Pros: You in some trouble? Nixon won't dime you out.
Cons: Will steal all your shit. Also really sweaty.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

33. Harry Truman

Order: 33rd (1945-1953)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Those little glasses really might do it for you.
Cons: Always fighting with someone. Also killed hundreds of thousands of people with an atomic bomb.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

32. John Tyler

Order: 10th (1841-1845)
Party: Independent
Pros: Probably rocking an awesome bod under those stuffy duds.
Cons: He's really only around because the guy you really liked bailed and it's the end of the night.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

31. Herbert Hoover

Order: 31st (1929-1933)
Party: Republican
Pros: The honeymoon period is going to be amazing.
Cons: That last guy you date before you finally get your shit together. Also, a little chunky.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

30. Dwight Eisenhower

Order: 34th (1953-1961)
Party: Republican
Pros: Military man.
Cons: Lost the space race to the Soviets; also kind of looks like an alien.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

29. Thomas Jefferson

Order: 3rd (1801-1809)
Party: Democratic-Republican
Pros: Wrote the Declaration of Independence, strong chin, probably has a bunch of two-dollar bills.
Cons: Bad with money. Thinning hair; also a rapist.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

28. Theodore Roosevelt

Order: 26th (1901-1909)
Party: Republican
Pros: Will explore EVERYWHERE.
Cons: Rough rider.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

27. Grover Cleveland

Order: 22nd (1885-1889)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Honest, courageous, firm, independent, and of common sense.
Cons: A little thick.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

26. Grover Cleveland

Order: 24th (1893-1897)
Party: Democratic
Pros: You tried it with that other guy, but you can't resist the pull of the Grovester.
Cons: Still a little thick.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

25. Franklin Roosevelt

Order: 32nd (1933-1945)
Party: Democratic
Pros: The New Deal, looks badass with a cigarette holder.
Cons: After three times, you just want the guy to finish up and go home. Dude can't take a hint.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

24. James Polk

Order: 11th (1845-1849)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Attractive, confident; subject of a They Might Be Giants song.
Cons: Mullet.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

23. George Washington

Order: 1st (1789-1797)
Party: None - MAVERICK.
Pros: Father of our nation; that business with Valley Forge and the Potomac River.
Cons: Bad teeth; refused a third term (lacks ambition).

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

22. William Henry Harrison

Order: 9th (1841-1841)
Party: Whig
Pros: Piercing eyes; too cool to stay president.
Cons: Lasts less time than anyone else.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

21. George W. Bush

Order: 43rd (2001-2009)
Party: Republican
Pros: Gregarious; friendly; all your guy friends want to have a beer with him.
Cons: Doesn't wear condoms; when he "accidentally" puts it in the wrong place, it's an actual accident because he has no idea how things work down there.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

20. Calvin Coolidge

Order: 30th (1923-1929)
Party: Republican
Pros: Decisive; looks great in a suit.
Cons: Doesn't talk; kind of a weirdo.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

19. George H.W. Bush

Order: 41st (1989-1993)
Party: Republican
Pros: Our most adorable president.
Cons: If you get pregnant, you end up with W.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

18. Woodrow Wilson

Order: 28th (1913-1921)
Party: Democratic
Pros: That button-down look is hiding a tiger in the sack; if he needs money, he'll just create the federal reserve.
Cons: Bad teeth and virulent racism, a combination that rarely surprises.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

17. William McKinley

Order: 25th (1897-1901)
Party: Republican
Pros: That's one hell of a knowing look.
Cons: Always wants to hang out on the front porch.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

16. James Buchanan

Order: 15th (1857-1861)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Cuts a dapper, Lord Grantham-like figure.
Cons: The confirmed bachelor is a confirmed pushover.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

15. Ronald Reagan

Order: 40th (1981-1989)
Party: Republican
Pros: Movie-star looks, landslide victories, oversized charisma.
Cons: Really, really old. Gross.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

14. William Taft

Order: 27th (1909-1913)
Party: Republican
Pros: President, Chief Justice, and a little extra in all the right places.
Cons: Snores crazy loud.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

13. Jimmy Carter

Order: 39th (1977-1981)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Gets all sweaty building a house, but still has the motor running.
Cons: Breath smells like peanuts.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

12. James Madison

Order: 4th (1809-1817)
Party: Democratic-Republican
Pros: Father of the Bill of Rights, author of the Federalist Papers, Congressman, Secretary of State, President.
Cons: Short (5'4"); counted slaves as 3/5 of a person, is physically 3/5 of a person.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

11. Andrew Jackson

Order: 7th (1829-1837)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Legitimate badass; appeals to the common man.
Cons: As long as the common man is a man. And white. And he will systematically murder everyone who looks like you if you're not. Also, those eyebrows.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

10. Warren Harding

Order: 29th (1921-1923)
Party: Republican
Pros: Looks like Mr. Carson, if you're into that sort of thing.
Cons: Looks like Mr. Carson, if you're not into that sort of thing.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

9. James Monroe

Order: 5th (1817-1825)
Party: Democratic-Republican
Pros: The last one to wear a powdered wig, tricorne and knee breeches - a man that knows the classic look is always in.
Cons: Probably a hipster.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

8. Bill Clinton

Order: 42nd (1993-2001)
Party: Democratic
Pros: The man could talk his way into Bill Donohue's bed. Probably has.
Cons: Probably hitting on your roommate right now.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

7. James Garfield

Order: 20th (1881-1881)
Party: Republican
Pros: Jesus, those eyes.
Cons: Yells at you if you try to pay with cash.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

6. Gerald Ford

Order: 38th (1974-1977)
Party: Republican
Pros: Swagger, athleticism, beautiful blue eyes - Ford's got it all.
Cons: Always your second choice.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

5. Ulysses S. Grant

Order: 18th (1869-1877)
Party: Republican
Pros: Rocked a beard like no president before or after.
Cons: Whiskey dick.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

4. John F. Kennedy

Order: 35th (1961-1963)
Party: Democratic
Pros: The man could talk his way into Bill Clinton's bed. Probably has.
Cons: (tasteless assassination joke - I'm not a monster)

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

3. Rutherford B. Hayes

Order: 19th (1877-1881)
Party: Republican
Pros: Mmm, that B must stand for BABE. Can't argue with any of that. Like Drew Brees without that thing on his face.
Cons: Probably a cheater.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

2. Barack Obama

Order: 44th (2009-present)
Party: Democratic
Pros: There's not much to take issue with here. Gorgeous smile, great dad, carries himself with grace and cool, President Obama is seriously hot. Is there anything keeping this guy from being the sexiest male president of all time?
Cons: Mom jeans.

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

The 44 HOTTEST Male Presidents in U.S. History

1. Franklin Pierce

Order: 14th (1853-1857)
Party: Democratic
Pros: Gorgeous, charming, polite, thoughtful, popular...Franklin Pierce is the kind of boy you can take home to mom and then take home to bed.
Cons: Something about inexorably driving the nation toward civil war or something. I'm no political expert. He's inexorably driving the nation toward sexytimes.

So there you have it. 44 presidents, ranked and filed by the only reasonable criteria by which to judge men: their suitability as sexual partners. Agree? Disagree? Tell us what president makes you want to have a party in your pants.

Joshua David can be found on Twitter at @joshuaadavidd.